* missing him *

this month marked the 4th month of my grandpa's death..

and his death is with me everyday of my life..

i can still remember the last thing he said to me before he died..and i can still remember how he looked at me before he died..and i can clearly remember the last time i held his hand..i can also remember the last look before they nailed the coffin..and i can still remember clearly how my grandma cried for her loss..

today, the memory of him lingers in my thoughts..

i miss him so much..

what would have been if he is still alive?

what would he have said?

he never once said that i put on weight and he never once said that i was fat..even though clearly, i have put on weight..

instead, he would say that i looked prettier..such a sweet man..

i miss him so much..i really do..i want him back badly..i want my grandma to have him by her side..i want him back and gosh, i miss him badly that it hurts..