* alas *

i can breathe properly today..

a sign of relief..

burden off my shoulder..

9 months of carrying it has finally paid off..

the pain, the backaches, the headaches, the agony, the sleepless nights, the cramps, the mood swings, the stress, the tears, the anxieties and everything else seems to wear off..

9 long months..tough months..

the last push was the hardest..so tedious..so frustrating..

pauses after pauses..alot of short breath taken..

kvlye held my hand throughout the whole process..my parents and friends have been nothing but of great support to me..

and when i finally gave my biggest and strongest push, its done..

i made it..

9 months of carrying it..its finally out..its mine..and its worth the wait..

from the making process to the delivery, i've made it..

i held it tightly in my arms, looking at it with pride..
i handed it over to kvlye..he looked at it then he turned his face to me and he smiled at me, gave me a kiss on my forehead and said that he was proud of me..

this morning, i had to give it away..i wasnt reluctant..it was more of a relief to me as i know it didnt belong well with me..it will be better off with another person who will be able to grade it better than i do..

and so then, i gave it away with pride..and im hoping for the best..the best is yet to come..

and i name my "baby", PPTBIIBBAFM...

cute?

* my outfit doesnt appeal anymore *

yup..my title says it all..

i've received comments and i've heard people gossiping behind my ears saying that i dont dress up to uni anymore..and little by little, i realised it myself as well..

i remembered bringing handbags and wearing heels to uni with jeans and nice tees..but now, i am bringing backpack, wearing sandals or flipflops, wearing jeans and normal tees to uni..no earrings..

i hate wearing heels now because im afraid that i will trip again and fall flat on my boobs again..

and reason why i dont make the effort to dress up nicely to uni is.............
err...i have no idea..

it just sink in me and im happy this way..so is kvlye cuz everytime when im trying to look a little nicer, he will get pretty upset cuz i will take a long time to get ready..

i chose to be practical and since i dont have alot of nice outfit to spare, i would rather wear them during my dates and special occasions..nothing wrong with dressing up to uni and nothing wrong with not dressing up..

i heard comments saying that i look immature and childish bringing backpack to uni..
well, im sorry you felt this way about me because i never thought that maturity can be measure by "backpack"..
hahahahaha..

im happy to be me and im happy to dress up the way i want to..as long as im comfortable with it, i dont see any problem with that and as long as i have one butt instead of two, i will gladly wear what i want to wear..

the rest will either have to deal with it or simply shut your eyes whenever i walk down the hallway..

its a good thing that im not walking down the hallway wearing just plastic bags..hehehe..

have a good day people..

* its a good day *

ever since kvlye fetch me to school, i noticed that i get to spend more time with him one on one..

we will hit the road together as early as 6.30am to avoid the jam..even though my class starts at 10am, i will follow him out because he has to get back to his office by 8.30am..

and every time we reached pj, he would park his car under a huge tree and we will both sleep in the car..the sky is still dark at that time as we always reach that area around 6.50am..
we will sleep right up to 7.30am..

when we wake up, we will go for breakfast..a quick one and he will send me off to uni at 7.45am..

it can be tiring sometimes..i mean, most of the time, it is tiring..but to trade my sleeping time with the time i get to spend with him, its worth it..

some people might think that i've gone mad or something, but its ok..im loving it..i get to start my day with him and end it with him too..

i marvelled at kvlye's big heart..he would gladly sacrifice his sleep just to spend the extra hour with me..and im trully blessed..

thank you for every wonderful morinings..i love them all..

* this is another ordinary day *

today, i woke up feeling very scared..

im scared of alot of things..

im worried..

but i learnt to cast out my fears to Him and im learning how to depend on Him fully..

yes indeed it is working..and im slowly letting go all my fears and my doubts..

i believe in Him and im trusting Him..

* this *

life is 10% what happened to you and 90% how you react to it..

this shall be my quote for the time being until i can replace it with another..

* my name is lazy *

this is how you spell my name from now on..

L A Z Y

yup..i am lazy..

* i look like crap *

i took my pre-graduation pic in uni today..

and i looked like crap..

i dunno how to actually go through the whole procession with that pic attached on the screen..

malu sial..

i wanna dig a hole on the ground and bury my face in it..

* my dreams *

when i was little, i used to have extraordinary dreams..i remember dreaming about how i want to grow up being rich and famous, having the glamorous job as an editor in a very famous magazine line in new york..and im also a lawyer like the one in ally mcbeal..

and when im all grown up, i realised that those dreams are left as dreams..and i can never make it come true for one reason or another so i killed those dreams when i turned 16..

since then, i only dreamt to be a lawyer..but because at that time, i couldnt support myself financially to become a lawyer, i killed that dream too..

and if you asked me what is my dream now, i can only tell you this much which i believe, after that, you will begin to think that im being ridiculous..but guessed what, i couldnt be bothered as i dare to dream and i have a dream..make it dreams..dreams that im not embarrassed to share..dreams that i love and dreams that i want to achieve..

i dont dream to climb high on corporate ladders..i dont dream to own up all the designers outfits and goodies..i dont dream a huge mansion alongside with a fancy car..

here are my dreams..

i dream to graduate with pride..i dream to have a stable job which in turn i can called career, doesnt have to be hugely paid but reasonably paid so that i can support myself and my family..i dream to have a car and a house for myself and my family..i dream to have a lovely husband and 3 wonderful children..i dream to have a happy family..everything else beautiful and good can be part of my dreams..

these are my dreams..

* malu *

im in uni..in the computer lab..trying to concentrate on my law assignment..

gotta finish fast cause i have to polish my thesis next before it is ready for printing..

the lab is fully packed with students like me..panicking with assignments and research..

the room is intense..

and suddenly, there was a sound..a very memalukan sound..a loud one indeed..it came from the corner of the lab..

it was a sound of a long loud fart..

everyone turned to look at each other trying to guess who was it..some burst out laughing..others were kind, they just giggled..

the sound came again for the second time..

this time, it wasnt as long and as loud as the previous fart..but it was loud enough for people to notice..

and guessed what?

those 2 mighty farts.....are from...ME!!!!

go on..laugh all you want... :P

* smelly *

after soaking my stinko flip flop in a pail of anti-bacteria solution,

my flip flop still smells like shit..

i guessed i have to get myself another pair of flip flops..which in the end, is a good thing..

=P

* bad start *

hair stinks..

flip flop stinks..

feet stinks..

reason why:

hair stinks because i straightened my hair and i cant wash them..but i did today..beh tahan..

flip flop stinks because ada kucing berak di atasnya..

feet stinks because i wore that flip flop..



bad start of the day..