* beautiful promises *

i looked upon the bright and beautiful sky at my window today and i see nothing but the beautiful white puffy cotton like clouds floating away in such a beautiful manner..clear blue blue sky with the bright shinning sun shinning aross..perfecto..

so beautiful..

my God is such a beautiful God that He created such beauty for us to behold..such beautiful God with an amazing love..

what a promise..what a love..what a sight..

* soaked *

soaked in this soap opera..series..drama..whatever you call it..im loving it..

most of my favourite actors and actresses are in it..

i wish i can fast forward it and watch it every freaking day..cannot tahan one episode per day..

oooooo...syiok syiok..

i heart this..muacks..

<3

* sitobellly *

ooooooo...

i bought this out of impulse..

but im loving my impulse..

loving this..

yummy smell...

* clumsy *

pic: pettydisaster@blogspot.com

i bought some rice near my house for lunch..

someone honked when i was trying to open my gate..

and viola..my rice..gone..

dirtied the whole walkway and drive way..

have to clean them plus no lunch..

another excuse to stay slim for a day..

i'll just have my loyal tomyam instant noodles.. *yummy*

* i dont know *

i watched a show on hallmark..was it star world..anyways..it was about this girl who battles with anorexia nervosa..

it reminded me of my anorexic days when i was only covered in skin and bones..not a bit of fat on my body..and how i weighed the weight of an evarage nine or ten years old when i was 19..

thinking and watching the movie, i felt that the girl..was me..i mean, everything that she went through - in the movie, reflected my life then..the emoness and the hair drop and the vomiting and the laxatives and the starving and the pain and all and the obsessions..

it makes me wonder, what would have been if i return back to these days?

i was thin and i could practically wear anything of size 0 and my waist size never exceed 22 at that time..but now, im a good 26..which i consider a bit plump..not to mention i loss the collar bones now and no more guitar string bones jutting out from my chest and thin stick arms..

i weighed a nice 47kg now..though my weight never touch 50kg in my life, but i do feel fat..maybe the aneroxic effect is still in me and i never fully recover..i do crave to be thin once in a while..and i do cry every now and then when i couldn't feet into size 0 or size XS..

i have thoughts of wanting to get back on those days..maybe skip a meal or two a little?

maybe work out on excessive exercise till my weight drop to less than 40?

these thoughts flew in and out my tiny head after i watched the movie..

but when dinner comes, guessed what?

i ate burger king's single swiss mushroom burger, with fries and a cup of icy sprite and an ice-cream..

so much of wanting to be thin with bones again..huh?

i guessed no matter how screwed up my mind is about the whole anorexia crap, there are more things that i value than just being thin and bony..

i love God..i love my family and i love my friends..

anorexia is not a fashion statement..its a disease..

ive been there and done that..not nice in the long run..one way or another, you never win with this..so its better to stop..and start eating healthily..

plus, kvlye said that im sexy and hot..so whats there to think?

* hungry *

i am hungry and my housemate is cooking..

i think i might go and steal some of her food..

hahahahaha..

* 2 weeks *

its been 2 weeks since kvlye proposed and i said yes..

2 weeks of being engaged..the feeling is wonderful..
i guessed ite because of the status changed and people treat you differently now..closer i guessed..
like for kvlye's family, i felt closer to them because im one way away from being their newbie member..hehe..

our pre-marital counseling is coming soon..this saturday we will meet with out pastor to discuss in details and all..im so excited..

yesterday, kvlye and i took another quickie into looking and browsing through the honeymoon place and also some wonderful cheongsam to be worn on the wedding day..

there is so much to do and i dunno what to begin with actually..

should i begin with decorating the house or look for dresses and look for venues to get married?

but i guessed im pretty much very excited and im so looking forward for the pre-marital counseling..

i cant believe this is happening..im so blessed..

* random thoughts *

finally..

got a few nicer shots on the ring using my phone..not too bad, eh..

here goes..

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and i decided to have my own camwhore moment for a while..so while waiting for kvlye to get his tyre all air up, i ridiculously snapped a few shots of my newly hair cut..and i know, i was abit pimplish..i have no idea why..maybe they are hormonal..seeing that im jollying away with the whole engagement thing, my hormones became a little more active than usual..

ring worn at the wrong finger because i cant fit it to the right one and i dont want to alter it cuz im afraid i'll get all bloated in the future and cant fit them at all..

* meluat *

i super duper ultra hate it when people take advantage of the fact that i can understand a certain level of mandarin and canto..

i have nothing more to say or regret..

im stupid..

period!

* a little fast but its ok *

a girl loves to dream, huh? aha..

its been a week since kvlye proposed and since i have got nothing better to do, i've been fantasizing about the wedding which is completely not plan yet..

have been browsing the dresses and all and loving it..no harm done to anyone or anything but i got a good deed of love for the dresses..

we're getting the letter composed and typed for our pastor and after that, we can go with the pre-marital counselling..

feelings : excited + nervous + happy + anxious

* fight *

some big sized man punched a small thin dude across the face yesterday..

i witnessed it and i hated it..

things like that should remain in the movies, not in real life..

hate it..

* engaged *

i am ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes..yes..and yes..

im engaged to mr kvlye..

nothing fancy..
he proposed to me in his room, on his knee and with a ring..i said yes..

sorry i couldnt get a better photo of the ring..so i took a pic online which look similar to my ring..

below are the pics of the actual ring in low resolution..sorry yea..

but IM ENGAGED!!!!