* rest day *

im taking a 4 days rest before i continue with the last battle of my whole entire 3 years of undergrad education..

reason being : my right hand is sore and still cramping..and my neck, dont get me started..

how has the past few papers been treating me?

answer to that :

pretty nasty..its either i have no time to finish or i am overloading my papers with craps and more craps hoping that if one crap doesnt gain me any marks, the other might..

but i was glad that the intensity of cramping 3 papers in 5 days span is over..

i have a solid 4 days to myself to rest and relax and live in denial that im on a holiday mode..

the next 4 days i need to study..............that can wait..

hahaha..

im just sssssssssoooooooooooooo lazy..

what a bummer..

* stressing out and chocking in *

Lord,

yesterday was bad and the day before was not that good either..

either way, i felt disconnected..

i really wished that it will all go away and i will again be connected..

i am stressing out and freaking out, yet find no motivation to push through..am i taking all that i have now for granted?

i am fearing for my future..i have no aim left..just wishful thinking..

Lord, help me to carry on..and let Your will be done in me..

Lord, i surrender to You..and i will always note that the joy of the Lord is my strength..

thank you, Lord for being there for me..

Amen.

* resume resume resume *

i have been sending out my resume like nobody's bizness..

there is this job that i wanted which ive sent the resume over like a month ago..still no news..i called up the fella this morning only to know that im still consideration..

haiyo..nonid to consider edi..just take me and interview me la then only reconsider la..make me panic only man..

but then again, i am still sending out my resume..

frankly speaking, i have no idea what i wanna work as after i graduate..i just want my ni life to continue on without any commitment forever and evermore..which clearly, its a wishful thinking..

yesterday, i attended my last lecture ever..for now la if i decided not to continue with my studies, then its really the last..i had my last lecture with my favourite lecturer for my favourite subject and i was kinda emo the whole time..somewhere in my heart, i didnt want that lecture to end but it ended anyways..so sad..
i will definately miss sleeping during lectures..talking during lectures and doing all kinds of nonsense during lectures..

oh man..

i cant believe this but im missing my uni life now..badly..


* sob sob *

* another day *

image by ste5ens

i really should be studying now but nothing seems to enter my tiny brain..

i really need help here..

im just 8 days away from my first killer paper and i havent really done much to sustain my class of degree..

help, anyone?

brighter side, tomorrow me going to uncle's house for lunch with kvlye..we're having pasta..

* excited *

* while shopping *

ang moh's kids are so cute..
this thought just came out randomly..

guess where am i now??
im in mph midvalley and yes..i ahve to pay for this service..hehe..and right next to me is this hot mom with her ang moh son..such a cutie..he would look at me and smile and then say to his mom, "mom, im fairer than her.." and he was referring "her" to yours truly here..such a cutie..

reason why i decided to spend rm4 for an hour is because im stuck here doing nothing..couldnt go online on my mobile and i ran out of money to shop so might as well just waste my time here while waiting for kvlye to come pick me up..phew!!!

me went shopping earlier on..alone..
and me bought slippers for me bro and me kvlye..from reef..
buy 2 free the 3rd item and me got meself a pair of cutesy flip flop for free..
well..sort of free la but after the conversion and bla bla, you realised it is paid anyways..
but the thought that i got it for free is really making smile alot for the past few hours..
ive been here for almost 3 hours now..another 3 more hours to kill..

sigh!!!

anyways, im going to shop again after my session here is over..

please pray that i dont open my purse and take any money out..

* fingers crossed *

* blessing *

take the time to count your blessings instead of airing your complaints..
this is such a powerful quote i received..

and for this, i want to thank the Lord for this 10 things:



1. i thank the Lord for He is a good God

2. i thank the Lord for blessing me with a great family

3. i thank the Lord for kvlye and his family and KZ team

4. i thank the Lord that i am doing well in church and uni

5. i thank the Lord for His daily provision for my family and me

6. i thank the Lord that i am alive and well

7. i thank the Lord for being with me all the time

8. i thank the Lord for saving my gramps

9. i thank the Lord for His forgiveness, His mercy and His love

10. i thank the Lord for the salvation of my non believer family members..
yes..amen..i am claiming it..thank you Lord..

* happie *

i have to prepare for point system this week and i have to get it done by friday cuz it needs to be up on saturday..i was caught up with thesis and last min of studying for my finals and later found out that i have not much time to do the point system..
buy kvlye was ever sweet..he calmed me down and took me out for a walk in the mall..and he told me that he will take my place..that he will finish up the point system for me..and he asked me to concentrate of my life app that i have to do for both days and he also asked me to concentrate on my thesis and my finals..so much of support i receive from him..how much more can i ask for?i feel loved..

just little little thoughts like that makes a whole lots of different..to me it is the little little things that in the end, adds up to the large sum and it is priceless..

* all along the month of april *

dearie..we have reached the fourth month of the eyar..
my..how time flies..
as i looked back over the past few weeks, i decided to just type what i went through in the month of april..nothing fancy..

first week of april started off with me submitting my thesis to my supervisor..i didnt expect much but the thought of it being a subject by itself freaks the living crap out of me..4 solid credit hours to claim..and i have just collected my result for my first draft..it was bad at all..in fact, much higher than i expected but the fact of other of my classmates did so much better than me, and the fact that i am one of the lowest among the group hurts me ego big time..and i know there is nothing more i can do about it..so much of being on time, ahead of time and so much of getting infos from my supervisors did not really paid off well for me as compared to my other classmates..and really, it is a big comparison i will say..i am happy for them but not for myself..i wished i would share their bundle of joy too..

we celebrated easter in KZ last sunday and kvlye did the lesson..he went beyond my expectations and i was really very proud of him..seeing him on stage and doing what most people cannot do really impresses me much..and the dance..my team was awesome..all glory to Him..

kvlye has been going outstation quite frequently this month and this month itself up till today, its already 4 times and to me, it is more than the previous times..he travels alne most of the times and im worry sick everytime he has to go alone and mind you, its really far..talk about kl to penang and stuffs like that..with him going outstation so much, the time he has for me are affected..we have to sacrifice our time together to give way to his work and i ended up being not so happy about it and because of that, we argued and quarrelled quite alot too..but we're ok now..he is off to johor today and im missing him..

i've managed to kill those belly fats of mine..i dont know how i do it but i did it..i can again wear my shorts that i once cannot fit into..

and i have been shopping online like crazy for the past few weeks..so much of the economic turmoil, eh?

being dating kvlye every friday night..after his work, we will head off for dinner in some nice restaurant then we will go for a movie and then late night dessert before we go home..he is making up to me the times in which he have to go outstation..he is making efforts and im happy..we went to marche last friday..verdict, bad..haha..dont know about you but we hated it big time..

also, i have been skipping whole lots of classes in uni..i have my own reasons of not going..and i refuse to explain why in my blog..you can ask me personally if you wish to know why..and im sure, some of you already knew..haha..

i did sent my resume out looking for jobs only to get rejected..the immense pressure of having to secure myself with a job before i graduate really makes me want to stab myself with a knife..news about my friends who did not manage to secure a job for themselves isnt helping very much..as a result, i lost the motivation to even hunt for a job..and im very sure that i will not end up with a pr job..prolly gonna go for teaching..and hey, dont say that i cannot teach..i can, ok?enough of people coming to me and say, "christine, are you sure? you can or not one?later your student all die how?what is you start cursing and swearing in front of your students then how"..how sure are you that i will do such a thing? have i done so during my FORMAL presentation?hello...........answer me....
when i say i can, means i can..i detest being insulted and humiliated in such way..how can one judge when i didnt even try yet?
talk about killing the students..how many have i killed so far from teaching?and mind you, i have teach before ok..hello..encouragement please...
would you like it if you are looking for a job then having send your resume, i come up to you with this sorta remarks..awfully painful, right?
i may laugh..i may joke..i may act as if nothing wrong is said but i remember and i am hurting so please people..if you dont have anything nice to say, shut up..
for those have said such a thing to me and os feeling terribly bad now and is making a vow not to do so to me ever again, i forgave you..so, apologies accepted..
there you go..go on..smile!!!

ok..i am FB-ing alot..i have been scrolling and kay-po-ing people's profile..looking into one by one of their profile and pictures..oh..i obtained juicy juicy information through FB..hahaha..

finals is less than 2 weeks..and im happily goofing around, doing everything but study..how great is that?i am slacking and my notes..im not even gonna mention that..everything else is disorientated..

and lastly..i wanna declare something out i the open...

I AM NOT READY TO WORK YET !!!!!!!!!!

* disappointed *

im in the shades of disappointment..

i dont know why but i foresee that this post is going to be an emo one..

i will be ok soon..

im hungry now by the way..

* alas *

i can breathe properly today..

a sign of relief..

burden off my shoulder..

9 months of carrying it has finally paid off..

the pain, the backaches, the headaches, the agony, the sleepless nights, the cramps, the mood swings, the stress, the tears, the anxieties and everything else seems to wear off..

9 long months..tough months..

the last push was the hardest..so tedious..so frustrating..

pauses after pauses..alot of short breath taken..

kvlye held my hand throughout the whole process..my parents and friends have been nothing but of great support to me..

and when i finally gave my biggest and strongest push, its done..

i made it..

9 months of carrying it..its finally out..its mine..and its worth the wait..

from the making process to the delivery, i've made it..

i held it tightly in my arms, looking at it with pride..
i handed it over to kvlye..he looked at it then he turned his face to me and he smiled at me, gave me a kiss on my forehead and said that he was proud of me..

this morning, i had to give it away..i wasnt reluctant..it was more of a relief to me as i know it didnt belong well with me..it will be better off with another person who will be able to grade it better than i do..

and so then, i gave it away with pride..and im hoping for the best..the best is yet to come..

and i name my "baby", PPTBIIBBAFM...

cute?

* my outfit doesnt appeal anymore *

yup..my title says it all..

i've received comments and i've heard people gossiping behind my ears saying that i dont dress up to uni anymore..and little by little, i realised it myself as well..

i remembered bringing handbags and wearing heels to uni with jeans and nice tees..but now, i am bringing backpack, wearing sandals or flipflops, wearing jeans and normal tees to uni..no earrings..

i hate wearing heels now because im afraid that i will trip again and fall flat on my boobs again..

and reason why i dont make the effort to dress up nicely to uni is.............
err...i have no idea..

it just sink in me and im happy this way..so is kvlye cuz everytime when im trying to look a little nicer, he will get pretty upset cuz i will take a long time to get ready..

i chose to be practical and since i dont have alot of nice outfit to spare, i would rather wear them during my dates and special occasions..nothing wrong with dressing up to uni and nothing wrong with not dressing up..

i heard comments saying that i look immature and childish bringing backpack to uni..
well, im sorry you felt this way about me because i never thought that maturity can be measure by "backpack"..
hahahahaha..

im happy to be me and im happy to dress up the way i want to..as long as im comfortable with it, i dont see any problem with that and as long as i have one butt instead of two, i will gladly wear what i want to wear..

the rest will either have to deal with it or simply shut your eyes whenever i walk down the hallway..

its a good thing that im not walking down the hallway wearing just plastic bags..hehehe..

have a good day people..

* its a good day *

ever since kvlye fetch me to school, i noticed that i get to spend more time with him one on one..

we will hit the road together as early as 6.30am to avoid the jam..even though my class starts at 10am, i will follow him out because he has to get back to his office by 8.30am..

and every time we reached pj, he would park his car under a huge tree and we will both sleep in the car..the sky is still dark at that time as we always reach that area around 6.50am..
we will sleep right up to 7.30am..

when we wake up, we will go for breakfast..a quick one and he will send me off to uni at 7.45am..

it can be tiring sometimes..i mean, most of the time, it is tiring..but to trade my sleeping time with the time i get to spend with him, its worth it..

some people might think that i've gone mad or something, but its ok..im loving it..i get to start my day with him and end it with him too..

i marvelled at kvlye's big heart..he would gladly sacrifice his sleep just to spend the extra hour with me..and im trully blessed..

thank you for every wonderful morinings..i love them all..

* this is another ordinary day *

today, i woke up feeling very scared..

im scared of alot of things..

im worried..

but i learnt to cast out my fears to Him and im learning how to depend on Him fully..

yes indeed it is working..and im slowly letting go all my fears and my doubts..

i believe in Him and im trusting Him..

* this *

life is 10% what happened to you and 90% how you react to it..

this shall be my quote for the time being until i can replace it with another..

* my name is lazy *

this is how you spell my name from now on..

L A Z Y

yup..i am lazy..

* i look like crap *

i took my pre-graduation pic in uni today..

and i looked like crap..

i dunno how to actually go through the whole procession with that pic attached on the screen..

malu sial..

i wanna dig a hole on the ground and bury my face in it..

* my dreams *

when i was little, i used to have extraordinary dreams..i remember dreaming about how i want to grow up being rich and famous, having the glamorous job as an editor in a very famous magazine line in new york..and im also a lawyer like the one in ally mcbeal..

and when im all grown up, i realised that those dreams are left as dreams..and i can never make it come true for one reason or another so i killed those dreams when i turned 16..

since then, i only dreamt to be a lawyer..but because at that time, i couldnt support myself financially to become a lawyer, i killed that dream too..

and if you asked me what is my dream now, i can only tell you this much which i believe, after that, you will begin to think that im being ridiculous..but guessed what, i couldnt be bothered as i dare to dream and i have a dream..make it dreams..dreams that im not embarrassed to share..dreams that i love and dreams that i want to achieve..

i dont dream to climb high on corporate ladders..i dont dream to own up all the designers outfits and goodies..i dont dream a huge mansion alongside with a fancy car..

here are my dreams..

i dream to graduate with pride..i dream to have a stable job which in turn i can called career, doesnt have to be hugely paid but reasonably paid so that i can support myself and my family..i dream to have a car and a house for myself and my family..i dream to have a lovely husband and 3 wonderful children..i dream to have a happy family..everything else beautiful and good can be part of my dreams..

these are my dreams..

* malu *

im in uni..in the computer lab..trying to concentrate on my law assignment..

gotta finish fast cause i have to polish my thesis next before it is ready for printing..

the lab is fully packed with students like me..panicking with assignments and research..

the room is intense..

and suddenly, there was a sound..a very memalukan sound..a loud one indeed..it came from the corner of the lab..

it was a sound of a long loud fart..

everyone turned to look at each other trying to guess who was it..some burst out laughing..others were kind, they just giggled..

the sound came again for the second time..

this time, it wasnt as long and as loud as the previous fart..but it was loud enough for people to notice..

and guessed what?

those 2 mighty farts.....are from...ME!!!!

go on..laugh all you want... :P

* smelly *

after soaking my stinko flip flop in a pail of anti-bacteria solution,

my flip flop still smells like shit..

i guessed i have to get myself another pair of flip flops..which in the end, is a good thing..

=P

* bad start *

hair stinks..

flip flop stinks..

feet stinks..

reason why:

hair stinks because i straightened my hair and i cant wash them..but i did today..beh tahan..

flip flop stinks because ada kucing berak di atasnya..

feet stinks because i wore that flip flop..



bad start of the day..