ooooooo...
i bought this out of impulse..
but im loving my impulse..
loving this..
yummy smell...
i watched a show on hallmark..was it star world..anyways..it was about this girl who battles with anorexia nervosa..
it reminded me of my anorexic days when i was only covered in skin and bones..not a bit of fat on my body..and how i weighed the weight of an evarage nine or ten years old when i was 19..
thinking and watching the movie, i felt that the girl..was me..i mean, everything that she went through - in the movie, reflected my life then..the emoness and the hair drop and the vomiting and the laxatives and the starving and the pain and all and the obsessions..
it makes me wonder, what would have been if i return back to these days?
i was thin and i could practically wear anything of size 0 and my waist size never exceed 22 at that time..but now, im a good 26..which i consider a bit plump..not to mention i loss the collar bones now and no more guitar string bones jutting out from my chest and thin stick arms..
i weighed a nice 47kg now..though my weight never touch 50kg in my life, but i do feel fat..maybe the aneroxic effect is still in me and i never fully recover..i do crave to be thin once in a while..and i do cry every now and then when i couldn't feet into size 0 or size XS..
i have thoughts of wanting to get back on those days..maybe skip a meal or two a little?
maybe work out on excessive exercise till my weight drop to less than 40?
these thoughts flew in and out my tiny head after i watched the movie..
but when dinner comes, guessed what?
i ate burger king's single swiss mushroom burger, with fries and a cup of icy sprite and an ice-cream..
so much of wanting to be thin with bones again..huh?
i guessed no matter how screwed up my mind is about the whole anorexia crap, there are more things that i value than just being thin and bony..
i love God..i love my family and i love my friends..
anorexia is not a fashion statement..its a disease..
ive been there and done that..not nice in the long run..one way or another, you never win with this..so its better to stop..and start eating healthily..
plus, kvlye said that im sexy and hot..so whats there to think?
i am hungry and my housemate is cooking..
i think i might go and steal some of her food..
hahahahaha..
its been 2 weeks since kvlye proposed and i said yes..
2 weeks of being engaged..the feeling is wonderful..
i guessed ite because of the status changed and people treat you differently now..closer i guessed..
like for kvlye's family, i felt closer to them because im one way away from being their newbie member..hehe..
our pre-marital counseling is coming soon..this saturday we will meet with out pastor to discuss in details and all..im so excited..
yesterday, kvlye and i took another quickie into looking and browsing through the honeymoon place and also some wonderful cheongsam to be worn on the wedding day..
there is so much to do and i dunno what to begin with actually..
should i begin with decorating the house or look for dresses and look for venues to get married?
but i guessed im pretty much very excited and im so looking forward for the pre-marital counseling..
i cant believe this is happening..im so blessed..
i super duper ultra hate it when people take advantage of the fact that i can understand a certain level of mandarin and canto..
i have nothing more to say or regret..
im stupid..
period!
a girl loves to dream, huh? aha..
its been a week since kvlye proposed and since i have got nothing better to do, i've been fantasizing about the wedding which is completely not plan yet..
have been browsing the dresses and all and loving it..no harm done to anyone or anything but i got a good deed of love for the dresses..
we're getting the letter composed and typed for our pastor and after that, we can go with the pre-marital counselling..
feelings : excited + nervous + happy + anxious
some big sized man punched a small thin dude across the face yesterday..
i witnessed it and i hated it..
things like that should remain in the movies, not in real life..
hate it..
i am ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes..yes..and yes..
im engaged to mr kvlye..
nothing fancy..
he proposed to me in his room, on his knee and with a ring..i said yes..
sorry i couldnt get a better photo of the ring..so i took a pic online which look similar to my ring..
below are the pics of the actual ring in low resolution..sorry yea..
but IM ENGAGED!!!!
i've got so much time to spare ever since i resigned..
its good though..got some catch up time to do..rest..nap..and cool things of for a little while..
and yea, im trying to put on some weight..losing alot lately so kvlye is not stuffing me with food to get my weight back on a more balance basis..
have been killing time watching series..
*im done with grey's anatomy season 5..
*half way with heroes season 3..
* im also done with one tree hill season 6..
* starting on prison break season finale..
i watched series non stop..continuously until my laptop went burning hot..
thats why im losing weight i guessed..watching series after series and was too lazy to move to get myself some food..i tell you, it works..at least on me..
im waiting for my new clothes to arrive..
yay!!!
i can't wait..they are on their way from korea and japan..
im superbly happy nowadays with my wardrobe..
am getting new clothes..bought 5 online..3 on their way..bought 1 from melaka..
bought 2 from midv..and kvlye's mom bought me 2 tops from hong kong..
yup..im happy..dresses plus beautiful tops makes christine a happy girl..
YAY!!!!!!
i have new clothes to wear..
now i need to get some bags and shoes to match them all..
kidding..
im happy with my wardrobe..
i spoke to a dear friend of mine, mary over the phone yesterday..something about changes..
changes..hmm..
as i hung up the phone ready to take a nap, thoughts began to fill my head..
i've changed..in many ways, i have changed..
physically, nothing much..still look as young as can be..
from the way i dressed up, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i wear colourful clothings..more to dark funeral like colors..
i thought dark funeral colors are way cooler now..
from the way i eat, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i like sweet stuffs..i used to be a sweet tooth girl myself..
i turned my love towards salt now..
from the way i connect with people, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i take the first step to say hello..now, i wait to be greeted..
my ego has taken its turn now..
from the way i talk to kvlye, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i talk about just today but i do talk about the future..
from the way i spend my money, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i buy what i like but more to what i need..
money is not easy to be earned for me now..
from the way i look at material goods, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i crave for expensive and branded lines but more to nice and reasonable goods..
brands die after a while and there are always better brands..i cant keep up to the updates..
from the way i communicate with my parents and family, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i demand things from them but rather asked what do they need from me..
i figured i should bless them now..
from the way i meditate on life, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i treat days to come happily go lucky but i fear the future..
i believe in decision and consequences now..
from the way i dealt with things, i realised, i've changed..
no longer do i spill all my beans to people but rather keep them to myself..
i have an issue with trust now..
there are many more things that im changing into but i do not know how to express them out..
but bit by bit, i know, i've changed and i am still changing..
but dont get me wrong, im not in a depression state..
im a happy girl who is currently changing..
why do people changed?
big sigh..
i cannot decide on anything.
im indecisive..
why cant i decide on one stupid thing??
i want my window live fix!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant play with any emotions..so sian and boring using window messenger..
