* He knows *

i had had a moment where im filled with all the anxieties the world can ever give me..

that night, i couldn't fall asleep..no matter how much effort i put in..i can remember how bad i felt and how torturing it was..to stayed up all night thinking about what might have been and worrying about everything under the sun..

i was so pre-occupied with my stubborn thoughts that i couldn't listen to what the Lord wants to tell me..i couldn't..

i couldn't let Him in..and i knew well that He is waiting for me to let Him in..

i was stubborn..too overly stubborn..i hate it when im like that but somehow or rather, i refuse to let that part of me go..

but God is faithful and im super sure that He cares alot for me and that He loves me..i need that affirmation and He never fails to give that to me..

the next morning, i went to work..and i was still.......filled with all the anxieties the world can ever give me..

just then, God spoke..through someone during a group devotion and i knew immediately that it was for me..it was what He wanted to tell me the night before..the night when i was too busy worrying and too busy counting my rubbish thoughts..

that morning, He spoke, and i listened..and i was affirmed..

cast all your anxieties to Me..
cast all your anxieties to Me.,.
cast all your anxieties to Me..

and with that, i rest assured..

* now *

im beyond tired now..

have been working over a month now and loving it..have been falling sick for the past few weeks and not loving it..

im counting the days left before the long break im going to enjoy..and yes, with kvlye too..so happy..

we have spend our time together lately..i eman, i see him alot..he fetches me to work every morning and sometimes, sends me home..but we have not pak tor berdua-duaan for quite some time..the only time i can remember us having our own quality time together was last saturday..for about 3 hours..but i was kinda tired then..because i had to work in the morning..

but we have a date this saturday..whole day and also sunday..half a day..hehe..

im looking forward to it..monday is a break day for me..no work..hurray..

and my pay is coming out either tomorrow or thursday..kvlye's too..so that means its gonna be a huge gala for me..SHOPPING time..woohoo..

now who says that working life is a total disaster?

haha..

look who is laughing now?

haha..

ME!!

* im sick *

im sick and im hating it..

slept for a good 15 hours and now, i had enough of sleeping..it makes me feel stupid..haha..

what am i doing now?

blogging and fb-ing on the bed..im lying down on the bed and doing all these side ways..too desperate to get online..

cant eat cuz whatever goes in my mouth will come out..

so yea..

have been working and work is fine..loving it and having loads of fun doing what im doing..

have been doing some spending too..haha..and now, im wishing to get a new hp, new clothes and new pair of glasses..

got my new pair of shoes last week which cost a bomb but that bomb was so comfortable..woohoo..

next pre-marital counseling is gonna be on sunday..excited..

* work starts *

im blogging in the office..yipeeyayo..a brief one though..

haha..

and yes, im officially working..still on probation though but im happy with the way things are right now..

lotsa work to do..not much time to spare but im loving this alot..

ah well..gtg now..

told you it's gonna be brief..

more updates later..

toodles..

* living my dreams *

this post was supposed to be posted like a week ago but then the dates got messed up adn the details got pushed forward and the storage of blogger.com went haywire and this and that..im done explaining but im just gonna let it settle here above my sweet new year post..


living my dreams..

im a dreamer..i daydream most of the time and i dream alot at night..even when i wake up to pee in the middle of the night (i always do), somehow, my dreams will continue..funny but true..

i have alot of dreams and sometimes, i wished i could live in my own dreams where im the girl everyone loves and have almost everything i ever wanted..

lately, someone has been living my dreams and it was painful for me..

i couldn'd lock the ugly green monster inside me and it escaped and i ended up spilling most of it to kvlye who by now should be sick of listening to it already..

the girl..who has been living my dreams have everything i ever wanted or set eyes on..

designers bags..designers shoes..designers clothing..designers vacation spots..designers gadgets..even a designers look..pretty, hot, slim and gorgeous..

im so freaking jealous..i mean, how is it possible?

sadly, it is..i see her almost all the time and every time i watch her, i hated me..i dont know why..maybe my inside voice is doing all the talking and all the thinking..

she's nothing but a sweet good girl..who is living my dreams..and i wished i could make it a reality..

i gave it much thought and the much thought gave me much headaches..

i began to talk to God..and somehow, i felt secure..

you know, it doesnt matter who is living your dreams because one way or another, nobody is perfectly perfect..

when i begin to talk to her..she told me she wished she had some of the things that i have..things that she always dreamt of but never had..i was shocked..how can someone so perfect in my eyes wants some of my things? its true indeed..no one is perfect..

so the next time you go all depress because someone is living you dreams, just pause for a moment, think..breathe and calm down because somewhere out there, someone might wished to be you..

you might be living someone else's dreams..

that can be true too..

for now, im happy to be me..

cheerio..

* flash back *

was reading blogs after blogs and most of them are talking about how this year have been and im gonna do just the same..peer pressure never cease in me..haha..

so here goes.. * takes a deep breath *


jan: celebrated new year in marriot hotel with kvlye and family..one of the nicest buffet ive tasted my entire life..and doing so tonight as well..

feb: got my first ever fossil watch from kvlye and my first ever huge card handwritten by kvlye..

march: uni..assignments..pain in my butt..haha..

april: uni..finals..pain in my butt..

may: grandpa passed away..another pain in the butt..officially a grad..parted with uni besties *missing-mary,shenny,esee,vic,carmen,tiff,eunice,weiqi,the bear*

june: result out..final lap was great..dean list award..confirmed degree..

july: got a job as an english tutor with good pay..

august: convocation and first studio snaps with over 50 shots..im the star..cell trip to melaka..

september: double As' wedding..wedding of the year..house scouting for future with kvlye..

october: kvlye proposed with a ring and i said yes and we've been engaged ever since..

november: gotten our counselors..3rd year anni for kvlye and i..nova one camp..spaceship was way too cool for my eyes and the cast of nova one, hot and awesome..

december: first french dining..first session of pre-marital counseling..lotsa holidays..preps to work in jan 2010..last day of 2009, buffet at marriot again..





thats about it..yes i know, i live a boring and a dull life..but nvm..im sure 2010 will be just as good if not better..im looking forward to it and i hope you guys are as well..btw, i kept 8 out of 10 of my 2009 new year's resolution..not bad huh?haha..

HAPPY 2010 PEOPLE..

* long overdue *

this is another yet long overdue post..

have been really busy..

updates right away..

- went back for a week before christmas..
- went to penang with cell memebrs for 3 days..
- back to AS for another week till after christmas..kvlye was back for a day..not christmas..
- had my first pre-marital counseling session..
- was working for the past 3 days..hectic and really very stressful..

thats all..

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ALL...

* victoria *

just got off the phone with one of my besties from uni..

im missing her like crazy and i wished that i could be there in sydney with her..at least to hang out with her..either way, to keep me company as well..

maybe cuz most of my other besties are pretty much occupied with their everyday corporate lives and im not..

i miss uni days..i wished we could all go back to where all of us are still sheltered and studying..

* vic and esee *

* esee, vic and i *

* vic on her bday at fridays *

* vic's farewell get-together *

*
*
*

vic, it was good talking to you over the phone..i guessed i needed that for my own reason and it is really good to talk to you..i pray that you'll do fine there..for whatever reason, come back soon cuz we miss you loads..hugs and kisses..God bless..lots of love..muax..

* starting *

a new and one step closer to getting married..

we'll be starting our first counseling session this coming december..after christmas..
we are both so excited..not to mention our counselors too..and i cant wait to go through this with kvlye..

and speaking of that, can you believe that we're actually getting married soon?

wow..its really a dream come true and im truly blessed and happy and uber excited about it..

* new moon *

i watched this last night..and i think its fabulous..edward cullen is good looking enough and now, jacob..omg..

i was trying to sit still the whole time through cuz i was mesmerized by both the hotties..

me want a movie buddy to watch this again cuz after last night and the way i react, i dont think kvlye will want to watch it with me..haha..

anyways..i gotta catch up with other movies too..

* what happens *

what happens when you try to cover up something so bad with a lie?

let me tell you what..

one lie will turn into many more lies and temptations will then lead into sins..and when sins are not taken out carefully, they becomes a part of you and you will find it hard to let it go..

so what then?

what?

pull that root out and destroy it before it gets a whole of you..

say NO..

* smiley *

work starts in january 2010..

will have loads of time for rest and relax before it is time for work..

* drama drama and drama *

pictures are not in order but nvm..its fun looking at them..

these pics are of the 3rd day drama..

sadly, tak nampak aku punya muka..sigh..

:)

* over and done *

the whole entire 3 days camp was a blast..everything went superdy-duper well and i was so blessed and yes, blessed..wait, did i mention that i was blessed?
yup..i was blessed..

acting as SUN (my space chracter name in the drama) was great..i love my space outfit..sexy looking..woohoo..

and i cant really write much here as im superdy-duper tired and i miss the internet so im facebooking and emailing and blogging..i should be out and running after a few days of rests..havent been sleeping well lately..that probably explains why i took 30mins to put on my contact lens which went all the way inside my eyes during the drama earlier..agony and pain..

anyways, im zone out and im currently having the withdrawal syndrome now..kinda emo that everything ended..i so miss nova one X..

il be updating more details about the camp and drama..alongside with pictures of yours truly in sexy space costumes..oh oh..did i mention that i wore a super short silver color mini skirt, tight turtle neck with a silver vest and long tight pants and hot leather boots with my hair neatly gel up with red spray?

yup yup..

pictures to prove them later.. *fingers crossed*

so anyone who took pictures for all 3 days' drama, please send them to me..zankiu..

roger and out!!

* if *

they say..if life throws you a lemon, you use it for your lemonade..or in your tequila..

but i say..if life throws you a lemon, you pick the lemon up and throw your life at it, and say to yourself, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!

forget about whacha wanna do with the lemon..think about whacha wanna do with your life..

suck it up and move on!!

=)

* lesson beyond words *

alot of times, i take for granted the things which i have..

and it took me 2 years to learn how to count my blessings and learn to count it all joy..

a team of 10, regularly go to selayang to build relationship with a group of wonderful kids..they are not so fortunate..some come from broken families and most of them are poor financially..

we call our prog - KIDZLIFE..we go to selayang every sunday..

and during deepavali..we were invited to some of their houses..we have close relationship with the kids and by them inviting us, it showed us that they value us..that was lesson number 1..they value relationship and the times they share with us which i thought was just random..





this is gayathri and her dad..she's such a sweetie pie and she's really adorable and yes, she is poor..the electricity in her house has been cut off because her family can no longer afford to pay for the bills..and their family only had maggi for deepavali meals..still, she goes on smiling..lesson number 2 - SMILE, even at your worst..

this is suganthi's and kanaga's family..8 siblings and a single mom living in a house with 2 rooms..their sisters are smart and intelligent and they work hard to achieve great success..all of their sisters are graduates..and they served us with their best meal..lesson number 3 - don't complain but work hard to achieve success..

this is the kaurs' siblings..they live in a spare part shop and their house is made from a metal box..they dont even have any room..the living room and the "room" is separated by a cupboard..during deepavali, they serve us with everything they have..aunty practically scooped everything from the pot for us because they are thankful that we took care of the kids..lesson number 4 - be thankful..even when you dont have enough..

through this visitation over the deepavali festival, i learnt to count my blessings instead of airing my complaints..and to be contended with everything..

* new baby *

my new toy..

heart..heart..and heart for this baby..

* not just another day *

today, 3 years ago, he carried me to his car and drove me to the hospital..his hands holding mine tightly all the way, never flinched..at the hospital, he held my hands..

today, 3 years ago, i said yes and it has been an unforgettable and great journey ever since..

today is - 18th november 2009..

* cold..brrr.. *

it rains everyday..

i love the cooling effects the weather is giving..

the sleeping sensation and the lazy mode..im loving it..

but whats not cool about the weather is the fact that my undies are still wet from the day before..

i kinda need the sun a little bit here and there to dry my undies..i dont have enough to wear already..

so SUN..please shine and dry my undies..

* keep your thoughts to yourself *

i am a person who value opinions and i admit that opinions help us grow and in my case, yes..some of the opinions i obtained from people do help me grow and i gladly appreciate such opinions..you know, opinions that help you grow..

but but but but..there are people who loves launching their unwanted opinions and that kind of opinions will not help one grow likewise in my case.i am an easily influence person and sometimes i listened too much to the voices outside that i forgotten all about my own voice inside.

this make me sad because i will get all personal afterwards and realised that they are deciding for me base on their personal experience.then i realised it is really a personal issue after all.

helping is good and opinions are good as well but sometimes, its good to keep some to oneself and not act like a smarty pants just because one's life works another way around.i guessed there is a reason why God wired different people differently.

i speak for myself as well.not to always give an opinion because not everyone wants an opinion from me and vice versa.